I Don't Need Your Help
by scribe de la vie
Summary: People had been 'helping' her, due to her disability, but she needed it to stop. She's Raven Reyes, and she's capable of doing anything she wanted, all on her own. But maybe there was someone that she *wanted* to help her. Maybe.


Driving when there isn't a road is only fun for the first 20 miles. If you've got a sustained spine injury, it stops being fun after the first mile. With every bump she felt herself screaming internally that Bellamy had technically never learned how to drive. The only thing that was staving off her pain was how ridiculous the Great King of Azgeda looked. Somehow, when they were filing into the rover, no one had thought to save him a seat that had a seatbelt. She chuckled to herself as she saw how he gripped the seat beneath him, turning his knuckles white.

It had been even funnier when they'd first started driving. Though she had managed to hold in her shouts and whimpers at each large bump, he had not. And it was the funniest damn thing she had ever heard. Eventually, he had started muttering to himself about horses being a better form of transportation, and how this is what had caused the downfall of mankind. She was trying so hard to hold in her laughter, but some of it slipped out. Roan heard every time she did and gave her a look. As much as she'd like to be sorry about the laughter, she really couldn't be.

After eighteen disgusting hours of driving fraught with driving songs - acceptable - and making out - unacceptable - they finally stopped the rover to make camp.

Raven was about to jump off the rover until she remembered how much it hurt. She looked down, seeing that there were no higher rocks to step down to, and the drop would be about three feet and she didn't trust that she'd make it without additional injury. As she was hesitating, she noticed that Roan was standing there, next to the door, and looking at her. Before she could process what that meant, Bellamy walked over and offered her a hand. He didn't ask, he didn't put something down to help her do it herself, he just put a hand in front of her. Raven plastered a smile on her face, because loathe as she was to admit it, this was something she shouldn't do without help, not if she wanted to walk tomorrow. She could try to prove a point, but she was tired, and she didn't have anything to prove to anyone, especially not her family.

She took Bellamy's hand and even let him put his arm around her to lift her up and set her down. She felt… ashamed. She shouldn't need help. If she was being honest, she didn't want it, but she smiled and thanked him, because she knew he wouldn't understand, and was probably trying to be kind. It wasn't in his nature to hurt.

Once she was down on the ground, she started taking stock of her body, and what hurt. Her lower back was killing her, but that was old news. She had a numb feeling climbing up the viable part of her injured leg and tried to walk it off. She couldn't tell if it was sitting in a rover, or if it was from the motion of the rover and its effect on her. When it didn't go away in a couple of minutes, she found a fallen log that was fairly close to the rover. She didn't really feel like talking to anyone right now, but she figured if anyone needed her, they could see her, and if anyone called for her, she could hear them. She loved her adoptive family, the delinquents, but they could be exhausting. The bunch was strange enough without the sudden inclusion of Kane and Abby. Now it felt like they had to watch the things they said. Kane and Abby would send them little judging looks from time to time, or take control of the group, which already had an established pecking order.

Raven sat there and thought. She thought, and she thought some more. Her conclusion was that being left alone to your own thoughts was absolute hell. Nobody she had ever met who was still alive should be left alone with their own thoughts. It was too damn much.

She'd started fidgeting, all but twiddling her thumbs, because she knew that after the day that she'd had, she shouldn't be up and moving, strange as that logic was. She watched all of them, working, setting up tents and bedrolls, and wished that she could do something to help. She had already done all that she could for right now. She'd made a map of all of the active nuclear bulkheads with clarke from what she remembered, and had plotted a course for them to get to as many as possible in the time available to them. This wasn't on a computer, and the rover was in perfect condition. There was nothing for her to do but fret, and wait.

After about forty-five minutes, Raven had found a particularly interesting stick and was stripping the bark from it. She'd even found a walnut shell to scrape the bits that she couldn't get from her nails.

She started laughing. She was reduced to whittling down a stick. That summed up her life fairly well. The laughing may have been slightly more manic than it ought to have been, but it felt good to laugh for once, and she welcomed the feeling.

Raven had calmed down and was back to polishing the stick when she heard a branch snap behind her. She turned back in the direction of the rover and saw Roan, carrying an armful of branches and tinder. He knelt down about 5 feet from the log and started clearing away the grass with his knife. Roan took out a few of the smaller sticks and began fashioning them into a structure. She watched, fascinated by his technique.

She'd only ever lit a fire that someone else had built, and even then, she'd used a lighter from old earth. She'd passed earth skills, but only just. Watching a fire be built, and really focusing on it, she realized that it was sort of cool.

Roan was stacking the wood meticulously, and every so often, he'd stuff some of the dry grass he'd cleared, as well as some tiny twigs, into the cracks between branches. By the time he was done, it stood as high as her waist, a proper bonfire. He turned to the last two pieces of wood, ones that she was sure he'd forgotten, and she noticed that one was different. He'd split one of the branches so that the wood was showing, and there was a groove in it. Roan scattered some of the leftover grass across the plank, so that it formed a small pile and covered the rest. He picked up the second piece, which was somewhere between a twig and a stick, but was fairly thick. He took it between his hands and started turning it very fast by rubbing his hands in opposing directions on either side of it.

After a minute, a little trail of smoke floated up from the plank, and she grinned a little bit. She loved learning new things, especially things that she could do later herself. She wanted to say something but thought better of it, and kept watching. Soon a little flame appeared and started spreading through the grass. It was slightly brown, but not completely gray, so it didn't all burn immediately. He held the stick to the fire and waited patiently for it to catch. When it did, the moved the plank right up next to the soon-to-be bonfire, and cupped the flame before using it to light the grass and tinder. He leaned down and blew on the little bit of fire that he'd started. It grew and caught some of the smaller branches. She was confident that if she kept watching, she would see it engulf the whole structure.

Roan looked up and saw her staring, and she didn't look away soon enough to pass it off as a fleeting glance. He stared back and she held his gaze, determined to win at something that day. It occurred to her that she might have been glaring, and she tried to look slightly less bitchy. His gaze softened and he looked away, laughing softly.

He stood and she felt slightly disappointed. She had enjoyed the company. He turned to face her and walked towards her, stopping a foot or so away.

He looked down at the ground and back at her before asking "Do you mind if I sit with you? They don't seem to trust me with much of anything." Raven shrugged and gestured to the spot next to her. When he hesitated, she nodded, and he lowered himself down gently. She could tell that he was feeling awkward, and wanted to ease it for him, but she didn't really know how. She didn't know him, and he didn't know her. It would have been easier to just tell him no, but he looked a bit lost, and she sure as hell understood that.

They'd been sitting for a few minutes in silence when his voice nearly startled her off of the log. "Why did you let him help you?" At her look of confusion, he clarified. "Getting off of the vehicle, you - why did you let him help you?"

At this, Raven felt herself jump to offence, and glared. "I'm injured. Permanently. I can walk, but I couldn't jump that far. He was just helping me."

Roan frowned. "Yes, but I was standing there. If you had wanted help, you could have asked, and I would have assisted you. It seemed like you didn't want help."

Raven was struck by how observant he had been and tilted her head slightly, trying to figure him out. People usually didn't understand her so well. The only person who had ever really _known_ her was Finn, and he was gone, but even Finn had needed time to figure her out. It didn't make sense.

She sighed. "I was trying to figure out how to get down on my own. Bellamy interrupted me before I could. I - I wanted to yell, but there wasn't really a point. He was only trying to be helpful. He didn't understand."

A look of determination crossed Roan's face and he spoke forcefully. "Then you make him understand. If he was merely being kind as you say, then he should understand how you feel. You can't let people wrong you without fighting back. _Yu laik yuj en don uf. No fear em. Don somines. Hogeda chon laik yuj laik nou gonakru._ "*

She hated when people spoke to her in trigedasleng. She wished she knew it, but just felt sort of inadequate. At her frown, he realized that though some of her friends knew his language, she did not.

He clarified. "You are strong and powerful. You need to act like it. Just because you cannot do things the way that they do, does not make you weak. I have seen it."

Raven looked away and blushed. People didn't really compliment her anymore. It had been a long time since she took the chip, and that was when she and her friends had drifted apart. She hadn't had a moment with any of them since, not really. Certainly not a heart to heart. It felt good to have someone compliment _her_. It had been a long time. They all seemed to think that she didn't really need more validation.

That wasn't fair. There's been some major bullshit going down, but she seemed to have been lost to the wayside. It sucked.

She turned her head back to him and saw that he was still looking at her. "Thank you. I just feel so weak lately. No one really gets it."

"I had a friend once. He was hit by a stone in his lower back. It was a large stone, and though it didn't cut him, it damaged his … spine. He could not walk." He looked down at his feet.

The little smile that had been on her face fell. "You said had… He died, didn't he?"

"He did. In battle." A small smile tugged on the corner of his lips.

Raven frowned. "I thought you said that he couldn't walk? How did he fight?"

He chuckled. "He made a machine that flung fire at our enemies. He usually stayed to the back of the force, but he said that he had a shot of getting their leader. The machine was on a cart, attached to a horse. He had it ride into battle and went to the front lines. He did it. He killed their leader."

Raven felt her curiosity peak. "If you don't mind me asking, How did he die?"

Roan sighed. "He was never meant to be on the front line during that battle. He was in range of their archers and wasn't wearing a helmet. They caught him in the neck. He lived for several hours after that, but died that night. He died a warrior's death, which was all he had ever wanted, and everything he thought he'd lost. He died proud."

They were silent for a few moments. "Thank you, for telling me about him. And for not helping me down earlier."

Roan smiled and laughed. "I would have, if only you had asked. I was waiting for you to, until I saw that you had no need." He stood and gave her a parting grin.

She reached out and took his arm. When he turned she said. "Can you -" She was going to ask him to help her to stand, but thought better of it. "Can you sit with me? I've been dying for some good company… but you'll do."

He laughed at this and sat down.

They continued talking, both of them asking many questions, him about mechanical work, and her about fighting and living as a grounder. They hardly noticed when the rest of the group finished their chores and walked over to the fire. They hauled a few logs over, and joined them by the fire, making food and telling more stories. One by one - and two by two - all of them left the fire, all of them but Raven and Roan.

They talked for so long that the embers of early sunrise had appeared in the east. When they realized this, they laughed and said goodmorning, both of them leaving to get some sleep before the second day of driving. For once, Raven slept like a baby. She would have slept well if she had had a rock for a pillow.

When they were woken a mere hour later, despite being a night owl, she smiled and rolled up her bed. She made her way back to the rover, because apparently, no one had thought to ask her for help in breaking camp. She had her little victory of the morning though, when she picked up a rock about the size of her head, and used it - as well as the handle on the door to lift herself into the rover. She shot an easy smile at Roan, and took the place next to him.

As they drove on, she made sure to tease him when he whimpered, just before showing him the seat belt he'd missed. She settled in for the long ride, feeling less lonely than she had in a long time.

* _You are strong and powerful. Don't fear it. Have pride. All who are strong are not warriors_.*


End file.
